Many people looking for therapy to heal a broken heart. In treatment, we try to understand and analyze our love relationships. Are we recreating old patterns? Addicted to love? Filling a void? Dysfunctional? Seeking ego validation? Delusional? Naive? Insane? Perhaps. Or maybe we are just woman and subject to the forces of love.
Recovery from heartbreak is much like processing grief, so we go through the following stages:
Denial (“This can’t be the end“)
Anger (“I hate him”)
Bargaining (“Maybe if I behaved differently, it would work.”)
Depression (“I never want to love again “)
Acceptance (“It was. And now, it is over.”)
Here are some tips to recover you from heartbreak.
Release anger, hatred and thoughts of revenge.
Understand this are all related to ego and cause you more harm than good. Anger exacerbates anxiety and depression, keeps us tethered and prevents us from moving forward. As Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.” In a moment of quiet, repeat the mantra, “I forgive and release you and let you go.”
Love is a gift
Understand love is always a gift. Love is a blessing even if it ends painfully, for heartbreak bears great wisdom.
Talk to friends and family who are empathic and kind. Tell them specifically what you need from them. If your friends are tired of your broken record, consider therapy or a support group. Get immediate help if feeling so depressed you are suicidal.
Cut off contact with your ex so that you are able to heal.
One of the reasons it took women so long to get over her ex was because they were still in touch with each other via text. Even though they weren’t dating.
When women would date other guys, she wasn’t emotionally invested in them because part of her that held onto hope that “ex” and women could still save relationship and bring it back to what it was during the first year they dated. The truth was that over the years they both changed and grew apart instead of growing together.
Although it was hard to end contact with “ex”, women knew that in order to get over him she had to stop relying on him emotionally. This was the scariest part. The “ex” was part of her life for several years and knew all of her—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Women was terrified to be alone and have him out of her life.
It’s different for everybody, but woman realized that no matter how much time has passed a part of her will always love her ex. And that’s okay. Because now woman no longer in love with him, largely because she gave herself the space she needed to finish healing—which means She’ll be able to pursue a relationship with someone else in the future.
Know you are lovable.
Do not misinterpret the end of a relationship as meaning you are somehow not enough. Sometimes people aren’t capable of giving us the love we need and deserve, which is their issue and not yours. You are exactly as you should be and are perfectly lovable just the way you are.
Know this too shall pass.
Put one foot in front of the other and time will heal your wounds. Even if you can’t imagine feeling better or being open to love again, you most certainly will. In my practice, I have been awed and amazed by the resiliency of the human spirit.
Stay in the present.
Don’t ruminate about the past or second guess your actions. Don’t worry about the future. (“Will he find somebody else?”) Stay out of your head, for that is a dangerous place to go. Practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation. Imagine breathing in what you need (hope, strength, energy) and out what you don’t (aches, pain, sadness).
It’s normal for people to need some time to ruminate and go over the break-up in minute detail when we feel like we were the one who was dumped. However, if you’re telling the same story two weeks after the break-up to the same friends; feeling that you’re more “anger” than “just” depressed; experiencing emotional pain that is keeping you from engaging in your normal routine, it’s likely going to qualify as too long. There’s not a number for how many weeks it takes to get over a heartbreak. It depends on yourself.
So, move on…